The Best Pickup Line? It's the Best Pickup Person

I get asked this question all the time: "Hey, Persuasion Guy..." (Actually, nobody calls me Persuasion Guy, though I wish they would). "What's the most surefire pickup line in a bar?"

Dude. (That's what I call guys who want pickup lines.) If a woman wants you to pick her up, just don't say anything that blows it. The woman will be judging you more than your lines. Which brings us to the theory of Ethos, your expressed character.

First, show that you care about the woman. A great pickup line? Ask her a question about herself. Compliment her shoes and ask where she got them. (Straight guys rarely compliment a woman's shoes, so at the least you'll surprise her.) This is eunoia, disinterested good will. It's the Caring part of Ethos.

Next, show you know what you're doing. Signal the bartender suavely. This is phronesis, the Craft part of Ethos.

Finally, show respect and good manners. That's arete, or virtue, the cause part. You're a genuinely good guy.

Yeah, some women aren't looking for a genuinely good guy. They're looking for an exciting, even dangerous guy. In which case, work harder on your Craft. And here you're on your own. I've been happily married for too long to look dangerous. 

Here's a video Christina and I made. I cut out the part where she talks about what she thinks is the perfect line. Sorry. She already has Ryan Gosling as an imaginary boyfriend. - JAY

The Eddie Haskell Ploy: My Favorite Way to Teach the Art of Concession

The Roman rhetoricians were big on concessio, the art of using an opponent's points to your own advantage. 

It's a hard thing for younger arguers to learn. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead, right? Best defense is an offense, right? But what if you can turn those torpedoes around? 

The most extreme form of concession is what I call the Eddie Haskell Ploy. Instead of just using the opponent's points, you enthusiastically endorse her view! Why would you want to do this? Well, that depends on what you want to get out of the argument. Scoring on points isn't always the best goal. In the long run, a relationship or political standing or reputation might be more important.

Caution: Only use the Eddie Haskell Ploy if you're bound to lose anyway. You can only snatch this kind of victory from the jaws of defeat.

Here's a video on how it's used. -Jay

How to Point Out a Fallacy without Sounding Like a Jerk

Here's the shortest answer you'll ever get from us: You can't. Unless you're a teacher, pointing out a fallacy just makes you look like a logical bully. Or, worse, a logician.

Correcting a fallacy is like correcting someone's grammar: Unless you're a teacher or parent, just let it slide. Rhetoric teaches you that winning an argument means winning over people, not just scoring points. It means getting your audience to like and trust you. Being a logic snob does not make you likable.

On the other hand, what if you have a ready audience besides your illogical friend? In that case, you can try taking the fallacy literally and following it to its hilarious end. You may get a laugh.  Even from your friend, if he's a good sport.

We made this video with an example from our favorite logician, Homer Simpson.

Speech's Greatest Teaching Tool: Prosopopoeia

Prosopopoeia (pro-so-po-PEE-ah) used to be something every student did. It involved channeling the voice and character of great historical or literary figures, often in different settings. A great way to use it today: have Martin Luther King debate Jeb Bush in inequality. Or Thomas Jefferson argue about climate change. Or Chris Rock explain to King George III why British policy in the colonies isn't working.

See this video for more.

How to Get Out of a Traffic Ticket

If you've read Thank You for Arguing, this story will seem familiar. A cop gives you a ticket for going a couple miles an hour over the speed limit. The temptation for sarcasm is awful. What do you do?

The first thing to do in any disagreement is to set your goal. Most people want to win an argument on points, as if a panel of Olympic debate judges will raise scorecards. But to win a deliberative argument, it's best not to try to outscore your opponent. Try instead to get your way.

In this case, you want to get out of a ticket. The secret: be the good citizen the cop wants you to be. Agree with him...tactically. ArgueLab's Christina Fox demonstrates:

For more videos, click here.

How to Apologize

My most popular corporate talk, "How to Screw Up," tells how to take your own mistakes--or those of your company--to actually improve your reputation. The same techniques work in your personal relationships. They involve a few steps:

• Be first with the news. Don't wait for others to report your screw-up.
• Have a plan to fix things. Acknowledge your error--even say you're sorry--while showing what actions you'll take to try and keep it from happening again.
• Name the personal values you violated--your passion for detail, your belief in timeliness, your loyalty or faithfulness. Then say how your temporary lapse makes you all the more committed to these values.

Do these things sincerely, and you'll find that people can actually respect you more. Not despite the screw-up but because of it. Trust me. I'm a master at screwing up.

Here's a video that tells how people have reacted to my advice. Guess who object more: men or women?